Thursday, April 15, 2010

That's one engagement broken, I believe.

During lunch today, I was reading the digest section of the newspaper - you know, that section where all the REALLY interesting/depressing occurrences are described in horrifying detail. It's soo conducive to digestion.

And today was no different. I came across a description of an incident, commented on it to Aaron - something to the extent of, "Wow. That was really rude and disgusting, and I'm not going to say anything more...because it's not something for kids to hear." Especially considering the status of potty-training in our house. "Also, if you are in a dispute, and someone starts making a 911 call, it's best not to interfere, since that is a separate charge." I know this from one of my THREE experiences with jury duty.

Which of course made Leah insanely curious. I told Aaron I'd tell him about it later, but he was very curious also, and asked if maybe there weren't some grown-up words I could use to describe it?

Ok, honey. Sure. I'll try.

Me: It involves ...excrement.
Aaron: Hopefully outside.
Me: No.
A: (puzzled look)
Me: It involves an engaged couple...
A: (more puzzlement)
Me: ...the gentleman (using the term loosely) was sitting on the...commode...and they were having a ...disagreement...about...finances...
Me: (seeing that Aaron is getting the picture but needing a few more details...) (motions to wiping my face, behind a magazine blocking Leah's line of vision)
A: Gross!

Yes. So it seems that an engaged couple were having a fight about money while the guy was on the toilet. He did the only LOGICAL thing, which was to reach behind him, grab some...excrement...and wipe it on his beloved's face. And then when her 12 yr old son tried to call 911 (wouldn't you love to be THAT dispatcher?) the guy interfered.

I think the wedding is off. Wonder what the cards announcing the situation will say? Elegant and minimalistic: "We realized that there are some unresolved issues we need to work on." Or simple and direct: "He wiped POOP on my FACE!" Maybe no formal announcement is necessary. You could just make a bunch of photocopies of the article, and write "US" in the margin. 'Nough said.

Do you remember the biggest "Why is this in the news?" story you've heard?

Hope your day is going better than that poor couple - and the lady's son!


Noel said...

From this entry we can infer that Lyz and Aaron don't speak the same foreign language fluently since they could have just switched to that language. They also made the assumption that Leah (and/or Ben)hasn't been powering up her vocabulary by playing when the 'rents weren't watching. Finally, we can infer that Lyz and Aaron usually speak to one another rather than text (or that their smart phones weren't handy).

Lyz said...

Well, see, we are still getting used to not being able to spell things out, since it takes Leah about 2 seconds before announcing, "I know what THAT spells!"

And frankly, I was a little nervous that Leah would see through our amped up vocab.

AND, I hadn't even though about texting him about it! Going to have to remember that. Good tip.:)

Aaron said...

That story made it in the news because somebody in the newsroom heard it and said, "We can't NOT publish that. It's for the greater good!"

Sometimes you need a story that isn't an Icelandic volcano or hexane in soyburgers. Something to get that collective schadenfreude rolling.

Noel said...

What next? front page stories of alligators running wild in town? ... I guess so! At least they Dome hasn't been taken over by dinosaurs ... check that, it has...