It's, Like, So Junior High

I’ve blocked out most of my junior high years (and at least a couple of my senior high years, as well). What I do remember is feeling very self-conscious and convinced that if anyone happened to laugh while I was present it was because they were laughing at ME.

Now this strikes me as insanely self-centered.

Every once in awhile something triggers those memories again, and if I’m lucky, I’m on the winning side – that is, the side of reality, that not everyone is laughing AT me, or doesn’t like me because they didn’t sit by me.

Just recently, such an incident occurred that reinforced my belief that as grown women and mothers, we still fall prey to huge insecurities.

I was talking to my good friend – let’s call her A – the other day, and mentioned that I was getting together with friend B. A said that she didn’t think that B liked her.

I mentioned this crazy assumption to a mutual good friend of mine and A’s, friend C. And then C said she didn’t think that B liked HER either! C also said that she thinks that B may be a bit snooty, although she admitted that people have told her they thought the same thing of herself.


B is a sit-back-and-watch kind of person.

Unfortunately, friends A & C are ALSO sit-back-and-watch people. And in addition to appearing snooty, these folks can also be intimidating for others to approach – they just look so comfortable by themselves – “I don’t want to bother them…”

Fortunately, I am a go-up-and-talk kind of person. I can sit back for about 5 minutes, enough to figure out the social politics a bit, and then I start to get stir crazy and have to jump into conversation. And believe it or not, I can talk to just about anyone, thanks to the variety of experiences of my siblings and in-laws. I like to introduce and be introduced (first & last names, please – it’s a teacher thing!). I think I’m still compensating for feeling so socially outcast in high school, but at least this is functional.

So here’s the challenge. I’m not saying you have to be best friends with everyone. Having an intimate friendship takes time and effort, and there simply isn’t enough hours in the day to maintain more than a few of them.

But please. If there is someone that you feel doesn’t like you, and you truly have nothing to base that feeling on except for that they don’t talk to you, MAKE THE FIRST MOVE. Go talk to them. My bet is that unless they are a genuine snooty-poot or clinically shy, they’ll brighten right up and be happy to talk to you. Give it a shot – let’s finally leave junior high behind us.