Adding to the Toolbox

Lately, I feel like I've been in a bit of a parenting rut. I'll tell the kids to do something, they ignore me or disobey, and then I yell and threaten a [deleted for personal safety]. Then I feel like a crabby, angry mommy, and not the calm, loving one I'd LIKE to be.

Aaron always tells me that I have to take away privileges. The only problem is, a lot of those "privileges" for the kids are what make MY day easier, too. Take away TV time? Or a playdate? Or a MOMS Club activity? No thank you, my friend.

Time-outs, similarly, usually only inconvenience me. I can't exactly assign a time-out when Leah is dawdling getting ready to go in the morning. Time-outs work for fit-throwing, or sibling in-fighting. Run-of-the-mill disobedience? Not so much.

So. I am trying something new.

Yesterday when leaving the library, I specifically told the kids not to walk through the snow. They were wearing boots, so the temptation was great. However, I didn't want snow to be tracked into the van and possibly damage the books. The kids, Leah first of course, walked through the snow. And then didn't get out when scolded. GRRR.

My line of action was to say, "Well, I'm not reading you any books before lunch because you disobeyed me." Usually after a library visit, we read several of the selections before eating - not yesterday, though.

And then, last night, I told them to start cleaning up to get ready for baths. They ignored me, and after several reminders, I informed them that they would not be getting toys in their bath that night.

The trick for me, it appears, is thinking of the immediate next task at hand, and then remove whatever little fun thing the kids usually do for it. It may end up being no music in the van, or not getting to choose their own breakfast cereal (which could easily bite me back in the form of a refusal to eat).

Or, as I threatened at bedtime when I was again being ignored in my request for them to stop jumping on Leah's bed and brush their teeth, no book before bed. Leah is getting the idea of this quickly - she said, "Ooh, that's a good one!" as she hopped off her bed and headed into the bathroom.

I don't even feel the need to warn ahead of time. Hopefully the kids will learn that whether or not they've had a second chance, something bad could happen, so it's best to listen to Mom the first time. Today at church I didn't even have anything in mind, but when Leah was showing signs of not listening, I just said, "Are you not obeying me?" and gave her my best Mommy look. She shaped up pretty quickly.

Anything that helps me keep my emotional outbursts at a minimum is a good tool to have.